Tuesday, February 23, 2010

My Memorable Engagement Ceremony November, 15th 2009

Speechless...the best word to describe me at that time...I was worried sick that the ceremony didn't go well as planned. How can I tell you about this. It was crazy, it was fast, unthinkable and unbeliveable. The story goes like this...
Back in the year of 2004...me and him ( my fiancee ) was only classmates. I was the new student there in Muhibbah High studying in the Upper Six, Class of Literature. Before transferring to this school, I was schooling in the Kuala Penyu High doing my Lower Six, Class of Literature in year 2003. My bestfriend, Kichiester was in the same school as my fiancee's. So, she always told him stories about us back in our old school, Sandakan Girl High. Oops! I'm getting dizzy. Wait...look at this...
1991 - Kindergarten...I was 6 years old
1992 - 1st Grader...Menunggang Elementary School
1993 - 2nd Grader
1994 - 3rd Grader
1995 - 4th Grader
1996 - 5th Grader
1997 - 6th Grader...12 years old...Pekan Kuala Penyu Elementary School
1998 - Form 1, Class of Science...Kuala Penyu High
1999 - Form 2
2000 - Form 3
2001 - Form 4, Class of Science Stream...Sandakan Girl High (where I met my BFF Kichiester)
2002 - Form 5
2003 - Lower Six, Class of Literature...back to Kuala Penyu High
2004 - Upper Six...transferred to Muhibbah High (where my Fiancee and Kichiester got into the same school)
* * *
So...my BFF has told him so many things about me before I got to transfer to that school with them. The reason of my daddy being transferred is that my father has been retiring his job as a police officer in Kuala Penyu. So, we go back to my mom's hometown here in Sandakan. Back to the main story...as I got registered to the school I was put in the same class as my BFF and him. First, I didn't like him coz he's so dull! Always skipping classes. Sometimes he only appears once in a week. It was the final year of us in the high school. It was very important to every each of us. But he cares not. He doesn't bring anything but his body to school. Teachers always get annoyed by his attitude. But he never cares. Until one day, when I wasn't able to attend class coz I have fallen ill. My BFF told me that he was asking her about why I didn't go to school. So, my BFF has been thinking to make us up. So, the thing goes on and on. When he wasn't at school she told me that he wants to be friend with me. So, I agreed. Then days passes by. We've been so close then. My BFF took her role as a match-maker. When he was absent, by the other day that he was in class, she told him that I was worried about him and ask her to ask him to check if he's ok. She's doing it without we knowing it. Then by July, 6th 2004...we've been a couple...but my intention is to help him with his studying problem. He changed. I can see him schooling everyday. Sometimes, he did skipped but not like the other day before. But deep in my heart that time, I will leave him after the final exam. One month after being couple, something has rosed in my heart. I started to love him. Love him so much. Coz I saw something special about him that I can't resist. He's been nice to me. He cares about me. But, I was shocked when one day he told me that the girl that he adores before we been a couple has fallen in love to him too. But, I was getting in their way. He chosed me becoz I was his 1st girlfriend. He told me that he adores the girl so long ago since they've been living in the same neighborhood. His house was in front of the girl's house. He's been a secret admire to her. And not knowing that the girl feel the same way too! I was glad that he chose me. By that time I love him more and more till I couldn't think anything but him. So, we live our daily life with love everyday. As days passes by, some of my friends told me that they saw him with another girl. But I didn't believe it. I said maybe she was just his friend. Then, something knocked me. I remember the girl he used to adore. But I said to myself that it's not true. I believed him. Then, the final exam has come. Before the exam seasons end, he said he wants to see me. He wants to say something. By that time, I was guessing 3 things...engagement, breaking up or he wants to tell me that they've been a couple and he wants to dump me...So, there we go to our favourite place...he told me that he has been a couple to that girl...it's my last guess. I was speechless. I was numb at that time. Suddenly my head seems to stop thinking. My heart stop beating. He was waiting for my answer. I couldn't say anything. I walked away from him. He chased me. He said eventhough they've been a couple, he still loves me. He never wants to lose me. He said that I was deep in his heart. But he had to make her happy too. That means I have a rival. He said he will always love me. He was thinking that maybe I just hit him in the face and cried and breaking up with him but I don't. how can I leave him if my heart was only for him???Back in my house I was crying my heart out. I couldn't study that night. I was depressed. I was angry. I was sad. How could this happen to me???The next day was the last day of exam. I couldn't concentrate. My head is spinning. I left the exam hall and put the letter that I wrote into his bag. I was crying. He noticed that I was crying in the hallway. But he had to continue to the paper. When I reached home, he called me. Asking if I was okay. I said I was okay but I lied. I'm hurt. A few days later, I seems to get over it. Then, I was babysitting my aunt's children. We never see each other but we do keep in touch by sending e-mails.
* * *
Years passed. April, 2005...we had a big fight. I asked him to break me up but he refused. I said I don't wanna play this game anymore. I don't want to make him a prize to win. I've lost the battle. I said to him, I was hoping that he could be happy with her coz she's the one that he adores so much. Either way, she's living next door! Easy for them to see each other often. While I'm too far from him and we never get the chance to see each other again. Then, one day I got an offer to further study in the UNITAR College, Ba. Hons of Education. I took the offer. The day before I go to the college, I break up with him. I dumped him. I said It was easier for him to choose. He has no other option but to be with the one he love. And that girl wasn't me but her. He said nothing but he vowed to me, if our age turn to 27, if each of us still not getting married, he wants to marry me. By that time I'm not hoping that it will come true as my heart has broken into pieces. I said nothing but goodbye. The day I left Sandakan, he was there in the bus station, seeing me for the last time. I didn't look at his face. I was so frustrated. He was sad. I know. By the look of his face I can see that he don't want to let me go. But I have to. I love him so much that I'm willing to sacrifice my feelings for him just to see him get what he wanted the most. The things that coulod make him happy. I will be happy if he's happy. I was tearing in the bus during my journey to Kota Kinabalu. I didn't realize that the bus driver was his father. No wonder he kept looking at me through the rear mirror as I was sitting behind him. As I reached to Kota Kinabalu, another shocking news has knocked me again. The college still don't get the MQA's confirmation about the validation of the certificate. I feel so deprive. It's been a bad luck! With a broken dreams, I head back to Sandakan and live with my other aunt and babysitting her children. Once again I was annoyed by the memoirs of him when I found out that my aunt's house was next to our favourite place! The place where lots of memories of both of us, playing, hanging out and even the best place to study together without interrupted. Ah...how I miss him so much. By my saving I bought myself a cellphone. I still keep his number. I wanted to call him and say how much I've been missing him and took back what I said to him. But the other me said no! He was the one who abandoned you. Why you have to beg for him? I feel like I'm going to be crazy. So, I tried to forget him by starting a new relationship with some guys. Some of them I couldn't recall their names.
* * *
2002 - 1st BF...Mohd. Fazly (I never liked him) he's only an experiment to me. Just to prove to my friends that I'm not a lesbian!We only lasts 6 months. (I was Form 5 at this time. Still schooling)
2003 - 2nd...Fadzillah...he was my colleague at the place where I used to work (Petronas Gas Station at Kuala Penyu). Lasts for 2 months coz he's a drug addict. (I worked during the long holiday. By April, I started to study again. May= We've been a couple. July= We broke up)
2004 - 3rd...my fiancee...Mohd. Rizal...my first love ever! Eventhough the fact is he's the 3rd BF, but I really LOVE him...we only last 9 months.
2005 - 4th...Helmi...my former classmate in the Lower Six in Kuala Penyu High...we've lost contact after several months.
- 5th...Mohd. Firdaus...I've known him in the year 2001 when we first met during Eid's Celebration at my aunts house. He was their neighbour. With him I go on and off coz he kept changing his number.(several people I only known by e-mails and texting them coz they live far away from me. And I still babysitting)
2006 - Mohd. Ridzwan...met him in the chatroom and after several hangouts, we've been a couple but we don't get along becoz we always fights. Then we broke up and be friend again.
- Mohd. Rafiz...my former classmate in the elementary school in the 6th Grader...been schoolmatein the Lower Six in Kuala Penyu High. Used to be my enemy back in school. I don't know how we could be a couple.(Jobless!)
2007 - Still with Mohd. Rafiz...but he seldom calls me or texting me. I was the one who keep calling and texting him. We go on and off.(Working as a cashier at my aunt's restaurants. Then I've been promoted to be the supervisor cum cashier)
2008 - March, I got a permanent job in my place now. In the Department of Labour.
- June, Mohd. Rafiz has proposed me and planning to get engaged but we broke up in August as I saw his girlfriend in his Friendster. My friend has confirmed it.
- September, I met Larry Lee. A converted chinese guy. His muslim's name is Azrul Iskandar. We've met through chatroom by July and coupling in September. By November we got separated as soon as I know he was my aunt's staff's husband!
- I was chased from the house coz my aunts was ashamed of me for having a relationship with a married guy. It's really not my fault! They never asked me the real things that really happens!
- November, I moving to my other BFF, Nina with her husband that is also my Upper Six classmate, Rosmin. Then, all of a sudden Nina asked Rosmin to marry me becoz she can't get pregnant and the fact that her in-laws didn't like her.
2009 - Everything goes well between us three but something coming up untill we're torn apart! The three of us! I left the house and find a rent house and live with my sis.
- May, my fiancee got back for the mid-term break from the nursing college in Kuala Lumpur. We've met and we talked about the past. My past. His past. He said after our break-ups, things never go right between him and her. They kept being on and off.
- July, I broke up with Rosmin. I lied to them that I already got engaged to another guy. I made up stories so that he can forget me. And I was hoping that my BFF, Nina and I could be friends again. But things never be the same ever since.
- August, I had a relationship with Rosmin's friend, Mamat. But we didn't get along coz he's too young. I was 24 and he was 18! Silly me...
- September, during the fasting season, my fiancee came back after finishing the final exam. He called me and asked me out. I brought Mamat too. We ate at Pizza Hut.
- After the meeting I got a really big fight with Mamat. He was jealous with my fiancee. I said we're only friends now.
- The 1st day of Eid's Celebration, my fiancee brought me to my mom's house. He was celebrating Eid's with us.
- The 3rd day of Eid's Celebration, I broke-up with Mamat.
- After several days, me and my fiancee has been a couple again.
- November, 15th...we got engaged!
* * *
Actually before the break-ups with Mamat, my fiancee asked me to hangout with him. He said he got something to tell me. We went out and talked in his car (the one that I use right now). He said he was regretting of being selfish back then. He has learned his lesson. He was sad that the girl next door has been neglecting him after knowing that he was once had a girlfriend before her. He said, she said that she was sad too becoz she has been a wall between us. She read the letter I gave to him the day of the final paper of Upper Six. She was crying and asked him to searh for me but he couldn't coz I already breaking up with him. Then all of a sudden he reminded me about his vows to me. That he would marry me if each of us still not getting married when we reached the age of 27. But he said, why we have to wait that long as we're both was single. I said to him that I still have Mamat. But troubles do happens when Mamat purposely breaks my heart when he said he wants to be with his GF back but he was to shy to ak her coz he was the one who abandonded her. I got mad. I broke up with him. Then, several days later, me and my fiancee get together again. We've met both families. Mine and him. They agreed to see us got engaged especially his mother. His mother said that she was looking for me so long. She knows we've been coupling in our school period. She said she liked me most from the other of my fiancee's ex's. She told me, she even had the plan to ask me to be her daughter-in-law after finishing our school but when she found out that we already breaking up, she was upset. But, at last her dreams has came true as I now known as his son's future wife. I often visit her. Sometimes, I spent a night or two with her during weekends. Now, I am officially Mrs. Rizal-to-be!!!

* * *

Here's our engagement pictures!Enjoy!!!

My engagement ring

Looks good on me

Me on the engagement day...preparing myself

The final touch...

Me and him


The same here

The first day of Eid's Celebration...the day miracle happens to me!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Going To My Fiancee's Friend Wedding

A few days ago, I was told by my fiancee's BFF Kujiester that one of their closest friend is getting married and has invited him to attend the wedding. So, he asked me to be there too as a replacement of my beloved fiancee as he wasn't here. I agreed and bring along my BFF Kichiester too. By 7.30pm we're already there. But what I want to tell you is that the preparation to that has took me 2 hours !!! I had to make-up myself and my BFF, then I had to pick up which hair-do that suits me. Hahaha...so here's the pictures of it...

the 1st pictures taken with some poses...

So funny where I had to change my hair-do several time until I get what I want...

Different hairstyle
With my baby Phat by Kimora Lee Simmons cute spectacles

Finally, we did it! Here's the bride and the groom...hope you guys will live happily ever after...

* * *
Owh...that guy with the purple shirt is The Kujiester and the one with black shirt is Pachak...My beloved fiancee's BFFs...

Hahaha...and I didn't put my BFF picture here coz by this time she was busy dealing with her husband...on the phone...hehehe

Thursday, February 11, 2010


Hahahaha...talking about this makes me laugh my head off. Long ago when I was in school time, I am an active person. I play badminton, netball and volleyball. By that time I was crazy slim. Gosh... I really do miss my slim body. Now I'm gaining more weight... Look at my ups and downs of weight...

2001 - 99 lbs ( 16 yrs old )
2002 - 125 lbs
2003 - 121 lbs
2004 - 125 lbs
2005 - 114 lbs
2006 - 138 lbs
2007 - 121 lbs
2008 - 132 lbs
2009 - 154 lbs
2010 - 149 lbs ( 25 yrs old )

Duhh... so much for the diet... I was dieting after my weight has reached to 138 lbs. That time I was recovering from Insomnia. I ate a lot and did no excercising. Then something knocked me and I started to realize that I must lose weight. I was worried that the fact that I can't fit into my dresses and my jeans. That's scary. So I did crush dieting. Not eating carbs at all for the whole 3 months...

Breakfast : I only ate 3 pieces of biscuit or sandwiches with Milo
Lunch : Vegetable soup or fish soup
Dinner : Vegetable soup + fruits

In the meantime, I excercise 4 hours a day. 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the evening. I lost weight too fast. I am happy I can fit in my clothes again but the risk is I almost fallen ill for not having enough vitamins and nutrients. I always feeling dizzy. Tired. And sometimes there's blood running from my nose. After that I was suffering from a massive headache. This is wrong as I was torturing myself. Then I started to eat healthy again.

As years passed by, and I'm getting bigger and bigger. Not to mention that I'm ugly too. My clothes began to shrink and me being a GIANT. So horrible. Now I wonder, how fast the time has passed me by and transform me into something I don't want to be. But, in time... my body just let me be. I wish I could be slim again. Now I almost pushing myself not to eat too much and always make myself sweaty so that I can burn the calories. Not forgetting to drink a lot of water.

There's always pain when one wants to be beautiful...

Thursday, February 4, 2010

I'm so tired today

One whole day we're doing nothing but go through our website to find out the weakness that are still existed. Me, Ms Mui, Mdm Siti, Mr. Alex and Mr. Jazz were sitting along and exploring the web. ( The website address is confidential ). We've been creating new account on the website so that we could notice if there's something wrong. We started from 11.00 am and stopped just now. About 4.47 pm. What a tiring day. Using our brain 100% trying to figure out what's wrong and what not. Still there's some problem here and there. Hope that it'll be fixed soon. Of course after we send the report to the HQ. Well after brainstorming my head out, I have been told to put loads of files to the cabinet room. I have to use the trolley. I have to do this and that. And bla...bla...bla... Haaaa...at last I could find time to do put something on my blog. Last night I am extremely tired and I couldn't even blink. I was so sleepy after watching the movie. Sorry... ~(^,^)~ ...Well, just forget about that. Now I'm packing my things and I wanna get out of here. I just contacted my fiancee's BFF. We will go hangout tonight. It's been long since I last spend time with them. Tonight we will have loads of fun... Can't wait to see them. :D

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Today is...what everrrrrrrrrr~~~

1st of all...damn!!!

I hated people that are bias to others...
It's not fair...
We live by a rule then follow the rule...
He's overrulling everything...

World nowadays are really cruel and unfair...
No one deserves to be treated like that...
I know the feeling coz I've been there not long ago...
I don't like to see it in another face...
Full with burden to bear...
Hard to think, hard to speak, and hard to take any action...

Feeling down all the way...
Nobody to share it with coz one will only listen but one can't help...
So here I was...
Taking a deep breath...

Hoping that someday someone will never feel the same way again...

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


This night I will go out with my colleagues to watch movie...
It's been long since I last watched movies with my fiancee last year in November...
We are going to watch Spy Next Door...
Tonight is the ladies night so the ticket will be cheap...
So I'll see you after coming back from the cinema...

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

How much I miss you my dear...

Today is Tuesday. 2nd of February 2010. He has left to KL since 28th of November last year. It was 68 days we've been far from each other. Now I'm not feeling well coz I caught a cold. I got running nose and in just a few hours from now, maybe I'll catch a fever. My antibody has going down since the hospital is like my 2nd getaway instead of my workplace. I always getting sick and can't afford to do anything especially when my headache starts to control my brain. Urgh!!! If I could buy a new head then I'll buy it. As long as this pain inside my head got cleared off. There I go babbling again. The fact is I want to just slipped my mind away from missing him. I missed my loved one so so so so so very much. I feel lonely when he's not around. Anyway we always keep in touch by texting and calling each other. And we even get in touch on Facebook. I missed him so bad. Owh... I wanna cry... T_T ... That's why I have to keep him off my mind. It's not that I don't love him or not missing him anymore but I can't get over him and have to agree to the fact that I was being so far from him. Eventhough we are as strong as we used to be before he left but I can't chase away my heavy feeling of missing him everyday. I wish I could fly and see him there only for once just to see if he's okay ( the truth is...if I would be okay after seeing him ). I promise you my dear...whatever things that happens into our relationship...I'll protect it and I will never giving up on our love. I want to marry you!!! You're the one I want to be with till the end of my life.

" To you my love...
You must know that your presence in my life has enlighten my days and nights...
You bring miracles upon your sense of love and tenderness...
For you my love, I'd do anything that pleases you...
I'll cross the line if I had to...
Just to have you loving me more than you did before...

And so you know...
I will never stop loving you..."

I love you so much my dear...mmuuaahhxx


Ahhh...at last

I already updated my blog and waalaaah!!! LOVE IT so much... I changed my blog layout. Thanks to Pyzam.com coz making my blog really nice...

Monday, February 1, 2010

What I Like About Blogging

What I like about blogging?Hmm... they are more like a journal to me. A bit "transparent" from any other social networks. I am indeed an open minded person but I think I'm not "open" enough to share what's inside me through that kind of networks. The fact is so many people can read all your post even if it's wall to wall conversation e.g Facebook. It's not secret at all. Your posts can be read by someone else that is not your friends. So that's a bit irritating to me. I'd rather be "invisible" than to be "visible". Seems like I've been watched anonymously. I do love facebooking coz it can connect me to my old and new friends. And I kinda like the games too. I played Glamour Age and Medical Mayhem. I also have so many social networking. I started with sms.ac ( now known as FanBox Desktop ), Myspace, Friendster, Tagged, Hi5, Wayn, Zorpia, Facebook and the latest is Twitter. But non of it can be assured of in terms of invisibility. In this blog I can say something about anything at all. I like writing. I like talking. So I express myself from talking into writing. So this is me. Talkaltive and a bit freakadelish. Hahahahaha....

Dizzy, Dizzzy, Dizzier???

OMG... my head is spinning round and round... Is my blood pressure low again? Last time I checked it was 102/77 and my pulse is 73. The doctor said that I was tired. Probably less sleeping. Did I? Hmm... I can't figure it out. Just now, I just came back from the state building's canteen with my colleagues Mr. Nas and Ms. Rahana and my officer Mr. Azami. I am full now. But I was worried. Afraid that I would vommit coz I really don't feel good right now. What is wrong with me??? Hope I could feel much better anytime now.

The Beginning Day Of Sucks!!!

Ahhh...1st of February. How fast can it be? Today is Monday. And I'm still unable to get any excitedness of going to work. AS usual waking up early on 6.00 am everyday but taking a shower on 7.30 am!!! Hahahaha... then by 8.00 am I will rush to the office as my punch card time is 8.30 am. Thank God my fiancee let me use his car as he was in KL right now. And as usual I will arrive at my workplace by 8.25 am or something. Hmmm... I hate to say this but I WANT TO WORK BUT I CAN'T ENJOY THEM!!! Silly me hahaha.... Can someone tell me how to find the joyness in doing anything including my boring JOB???